Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize