she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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