that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
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bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
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They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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