i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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