just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
