See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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