dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
