Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
