before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
