She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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