Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
