is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
