well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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