I am in a vortex of obligation.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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