I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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