I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
