Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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