I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
