She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
