it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just cropdusted the office
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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