I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
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Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
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And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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