the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
