omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
