He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
