I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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