It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
