thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
