I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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