my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
