Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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