Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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