They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
