is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
