are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
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He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
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Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize