I seem to have left my pride at pride
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
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You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
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He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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