Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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