my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
