This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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