you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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