birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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