I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
