Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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