I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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