from now on my penis is your penis
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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