I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
