just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
