I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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