dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
