Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
