I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
