so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
