remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Drake has all the answers
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
