you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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