things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
