are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
