apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
