the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
