I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
