She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
