The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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