Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
