its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
