the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
