i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
