Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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