This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
