apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
