my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
