i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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