im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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