I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
