Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
We're hate flirting, damnit.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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