dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize