if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
