sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
