party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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