i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
