His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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