a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
