The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
