I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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