when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
