She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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