There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
