I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
