grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
