What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
