I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
