If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
