I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
